Skillfull Reflections

On the surface, mid-winter can feel like one giant, empty expanse of quiet, but if we look deeper, we’ll recognize that there is a lot that is happening.
 
What if I told you that a quiet, empty space, isn’t necessarily empty at all?  Since matter cannot be created or destroyed, we should accept the fact that spaces that are seemingly empty are actually filled with something else entirely. The challenge is learning to refocus our attention on the way things are by confronting and challenging, even dispelling, the common “myths” about the “laws” of the universe. Overcoming the parochial understanding of nature that tries to reduce everything into something that is “tangible” and ultimately controllable will bring us great insight and help us find better balance.
 
As an example, you might find darkness challenging and silence difficult, but take solace in the notion that it’s natural to be lonely in empty spaces.  A fresh perspective—departing from feelings of void—exercising the ability to make use of the quiet and space is brilliant and truly Skillful.
 
Simple in its point, this lesson beautifully and poignantly illustrates the perspective shift that transforms negative into positive, emptiness into fullness, and division into unity.  With this idea in mind, we no longer have to view all our slip-ups, missed opportunities, transgressions and failures as “mistakes,” despite our culturally prescribed “norms”, biases and habits.  The truth lies beyond our definitions and the constraints of our limited measurements and words. Indeed, by embracing the “emptiness” one can find this truth and learn to live freely.

It is equally as important that we recognize the importance of each component of life’s cycles.  Movement creates equal parts happiness as the moment of silence.
The world, especially with the influence of the digital age, has created a difficult medium where we find fault in slowing down.  It is rare to see one disconnected for more than even an hour, not texting, logging on or tuning in. According to society, disconnect or ‘to be unplugged’ is almost frowned upon.  How could you have missed the headlines or the tweet of the day? 
Society has a way of making you feel inferior for being quiet, but it is a brave and beneficial choice to embrace moments of silence.  It is the best possible time after the holiday to unload and get back into normal rhythm.  Welcome silence and stop talking for moment.  Remember, less talking means more listening.

Many consider this failure. However, we keep coming back, each year trying again. I think, then, that this deserves some serious thought. What is it about our resolutions that make them so difficult to maintain? As if often the case, I would recommend you start by considering a question….in this case, what is it that you are trying to achieve?

Thinking about that further, if we take as examples, the common resolutions about eating healthier foods, quitting smoking or being more active, we see a familiar theme—there seem to be habits we want to break, or in more positive terms, more consistent behavior that will get us into a healthier groove. But are we really sure of what that groove really looks like? Is it merely numbers that we chase: weight, cholesterol, years of life; or, is there something more significant that is our purpose? Indeed, without considering the latter there is no way to put the plan into the proper context. And as a result, it is very difficult to maintain the energy to achieve something that is vague.

That said, to live skillfully, we may need to shift perspective to alter our course. When confronted with a challenge or when we become aware of inconsistencies in our behavior, simply stating, “I look forward to this opportunity,” is a great way to begin. Often we get caught up in the goal and don’t properly consider the value of the journey itself. Of course, any worthwhile journey involves preparation that goes well beyond reciting positive affirmations and reflecting on the circumstances along the way. We must consistently endure hardships, and in doing so, struggle to find joy. This season and time of year continually tests our ability to recognize the so-called ‘silver-lining’ of each day, even the short ones.

In actual fact, our days are considerably shorter at this point of the year (at least in the Northern Hemisphere), with more dark and less light than many seem to prefer. While it may be natural then to bemoan the darkness, it’s a lot more skillful to think about how joyous it is when the sun does rise and to recognize that since the shortest day that just passed our days are growing longer. It may seem overly simplistic to make the suggestion that a subtle shift in perspective can have such an impact, but changing the way we see is no easy feat. Adopting a new, holistic framework for living is about using personal challenges and obstacles to help find the path to a richer, more authentic existence, and one of the first steps is to attempt a positive attitude. For most, that is truly enough. Our specific goals will actually be more realistic if we begin with the first step instead of plunging ahead as we do when we choose a resolution that is not embedded into skillful living.

Instead of focusing on the long nights, revel on the sun’s return. Instead of half-empty, think of the glass being filled. Make your resolutions a reality this year by identify the verbs in your life. After all, the quality of our life is more dependent on function than form.

Indeed, this time of year can be truly difficult and painful for many. The December songs of glee and the jolly jingles fill the air with joyful music; contrasting with the turbulent emotions beneath our surface, especially for those feeling deprived or those dealing with loss. And while most of us make an attempt to put on a happy face, we often feel exhausted in the end, clearly a symptom of something amiss. Indeed, beyond the physical affects, we succumb to feelings of inadequacy and doubt, isolation and loneliness. If we think of it, it is rather peculiar that it is so common to hear people express their distaste for this period altogether. Still, I believe, that despite all of this, and despite all that we struggle with, there is a way to connect to the peace that is spoken of. Once again, the first place to look is in the mirror.

With everything we’re faced with, self-reflection becomes a daunting task that can seem impossible on its own. Instead, we find ourselves on the defense, warding off jabs and projecting our own insecurities onto our loved ones, further harming ourselves and placing strain on our most valuable relationships. Instead, we need to find meaning in whatever the struggle is, cultivate our own strengths from within and cast the positive result onto others. Remember that although there isn’t a prescription for happiness, it surely is contagious. Interestingly, though the focus here may be on others, the true beneficiary might actually be you. Indeed, the practice of love and devotion to others, in its highest form, is actually the greatest act of self-care.

Self-reflection is one of the most important and skillful tactics for modifying behavior. As we take in knowledge about our external world and those around us, we have the ability to process it, and in turn choose how to acknowledge it and move forward. In difficult situations, it is a sign of greater skill to choose a better way and find the positive.

No one could argue that crises offers us golden moments for growth and development, and finding the opportunities they present is a skill worth developing. Thus, finding the ‘happy’ and the ‘merry’ during a time typically filled with stress and anxiety is a challenge worth taking on, and bringing light to a difficult situation is a gift in its own. Of course, this will require that you overcome any feelings of victimization and self-doubt, even loss; but be reminded that you in fact create your own reality and can transcend not only life’s impediments, but the holiday’s, as well. Once you own this, you’ll find that you have even greater capacity to give.

All of us have a choice to complain or to accept. Indeed, I believe the former reflects our stubbornness and/or our failure to recognize that we have more choices than we are willing to admit or to consider. This holiday season, realize that the most basic choice is whether or not to accept what comes your way.

It is with the depth of these experiences and the greater skill that results in coming to terms with them that we learn to better shape our perspective and reach our greatest heights. Similarly, it should be understood that experiencing limits of any form helps us to see and embrace abundance. Part of the process is to learn not to fear these inextricable parts of human existence. For if we get caught up and immobilized by the discomfort, we actually diminish the value of the gifts other people and yes, things, bring to our life.

As we gather for the holidays it is important to remember a few things, especially being mindful about what we bring to the table. The fact that we congregate together is wonderful, but the holidays are also a time when suffering and shortage can become a monotonous tone plaguing our gatherings. Without the balanced perspective of gratitude, pain alone can be infectious and unnecessarily sour the festivities.

Interestingly, it often seems that it is easier to acknowledge the deficit in our bank accounts than recognize what is overflowing in our lives. By nature, we are creatures that often lose sight of how much we truly have, but in order to improve, the voyage of self-discovery demands for us to have a complete understanding of the many positives in our lives. Just remember when you’re sitting down at the table and topics begin to shift toward scarcity or deprivation, the Skillful path is not necessarily the initial inclination, but with attention we can return there.

To achieve a truly meaningful Thanksgiving weekend, stop and alter your outlook to one of joy and thanks. Be grateful with an improved spirit and help the others in your family to do the same. By helping your family count the many things to be grateful for this Thanksgiving, you are not only impacting the atmosphere and mood, you are guiding them to a more Skillful existence by giving them a new set of eyes to see the world with. One day soon, they will add that to their list of things they are grateful for.

In nature, petals are attached to flowers and leaves are attached to trees. Attachment is a part our cycle, but just as attachment is key, so too is the process for letting go: trees let go of their leaves in the fall and it is this letting go that allows them to endure the winter and move with ease and through each of nature’s cycles.

Everywhere in nature we see examples of moving on and letting go. On the other hand, we do not always find it as easy when it is our time to do so. Humans struggle and often fight this part of the process. It is not just relationships and human bonds that we cling to, but simple, inanimate objects that are familiar to us or that give us comfort. Holding on to such an attachment only brings a form of dysfunction into our lives. You may have parents who cannot part with an old armchair that may be ripping at the seams, or is so worn the springs are poking through. They won’t let go of the chair, not because it’s still as useful as it once was, but because they have made that chair a symbol of a time or place in life that they cannot let go of. Getting rid of that chair seems unfathomable because of what they’ve made it.

However, rather than make the chair important, the Skillful choice is to take the memory the chair symbolizes, cherish it and then look ahead to the world in front of you. Get a new chair to start new memories. If we keep holding on to the past, projecting a connection through symbols and concepts, we will always need something more.

In the northeast, we have experienced of late, storms that have wreaked tremendous havoc on our environments, but the key is to accept the difficulties and hardships so that they don’t tamper with our innate ability to move through our natural cycles. Hurricane Irene and the recent Nor’easter, Alfred, ripped down branches and tormented our natural surroundings, but the branches and leaves will surely grow back, and the trees that have been tested this way will grow to become even more majestic and beautiful.

All humans have an unconscious need to connect with the whole of nature. It runs through our blood like the natural flow of the earth’s rivers. Look to nature for guidance and follow the natural path. The formula is simple: cherish the past, let go and embrace the future.

The season is known to be as similarly difficult in business and the economy. As the implication of the harsh cold and the blistering snow sends nature’s creatures into hibernation, the same forecasts have a similar effect on the barren fields of our more mundane institutions. By itself, it is a wonderful season, but it generates a mood that can often feel bleak, since what follows is not a time of burgeoning growth. In this, it becomes all too easy to feel anxious and hesitant for the times ahead during the harvest, letting the bountiful opportunities of the fall pass us by.

While unsettling at times, risk is similarly associated with uncertainty, but we know it also has the potential of yielding the greatest reward. And, it is by understanding nature that we can learn to master our expectations–for it is now, as we collect the harvest, that we see the fruit of our labor as the products that also survived last year’s winter.

Indeed, we can employ this wisdom as we contemplate our strategies in life. Sure there will be winters, but without them, could there be a spring? If the results of our efforts fall short one year, we can understand these cycles in this way. Perhaps it is hard, but we need to appreciate the falling leaves for what they are. Ultimately we must keep this all in perspective and we must find the balance between healthfully yearning and harboring disappointment in the process of moving forward and achieving more.

To live skillfully, maintaining this perspective is key in preparing for the inevitability of loss, and the loss of movement that will take place in the months ahead is no exception. To deny the existence of the darker elements of life is to live blindly. In the words of Eckhart Tolle, ‘To live in resonance and harmony with all living things by definition includes periods of suffering.’ The darkness may be something to fear, but preparation and right perspective can help us master it.

Don’t let the possibility of loss and despair risk the fortitude of your ambitions. Furthermore, your true goals will be even more satisfying when you appreciate each step along the way. Our lives will continue more smoothly when we graciously accept the bumps and remain in compliance with nature’s laws. Make this a harvest to enjoy both the pleasure of consumption and the promise of conservation.

However, there are drawbacks too, such as the tendency to miss the forest for the trees as we rush ahead. More so while our desires often manifest themselves as a relentless pursuit of the things we value, some of which are quite important to life as a whole, they also present us the constant challenge of battling a stubborn sense of desperation for something more.  As a result, we project ourselves to the prize and ultimately forget how to be in the moment, and we feel exhausted and unfulfilled.  Anyone who might have a tendency of biting off more than they can chew can attest to this.

Indeed, if we lack an appreciation for the things we have today, we miss the point.  Many of us have heard this before and even make a serious effort to correct the course, or more to the point, simply acknowledge and appreciate where they are right now. I find it is the connection that we have to the cycles of nature that most conveniently provides us with the ultimate solution.

Just think of the current season and the transitions that are fully evident. Each cycle in nature revolves to the next and is completely connected to that which came before.  To sow seeds is always an enjoyable process, but would it be as rewarding without the harvest?  If you’re not sure, look to nature to guide us through life in the most natural flow of existence.  A farmer may till and till, water and feed his crops and one day harvest rows and rows of beautiful fruit; eventually they find their way to our table. But it is only with partial meaning to enjoy it if there is no acknowledgment and true appreciation for the work that led to its maturation.

We have to look at nature, and see the depth and complexity of its organization, and especially understand that the conception, i.e. the brilliant spark of first life, and all that we enjoy is always present. While we often get caught up in the thrill of the harvest we would do well to remember to connect the harvest to the sowing.  Once again, this is central to the tenet of Skillful Living.

Indeed, our tendency to become attached to our routines and the various emotions that settle into each stage of life, whether they are peaceful times or turbulent ones, can hinder us from seeing and understanding that change is a natural component of the flow and rhythm that is essential to our existence and especially our growth.  In order to reach our full potential, we must accept this reality and learn to make transitions with grace. Ultimately, we need to take a step back and see our lives unfolding within the bigger picture.  As is evident all around us, regardless of how extreme some conditions may be in the moment, nature returns to balance. And so it is with us. Learning to appreciate times of transition is part of the archetypal model for Skillful Living.

If you think more about it, you will see that nature gives us a chance to practice every three months or so. Indeed, there is more to the transitioning into a new season like fall than just the weather. Moving with nature’s cycles and rhythms helps us develop a sense of security, self-possession and wellbeing. While we may pine the longer days of summer, we understand that they will be back. However, in contrast to what many of us do by counting the days until the vernal sun returns, the trees make use of this time to let go of the old, rest and recover completely before they reach back up to the sky.  We would be wise to do the same and to dwell in peace as the days shorten and the earth begins to get quiet.

Many struggle to identify these rhythms and unnaturally attempt to control the course of time. And they spend, perhaps exhaust, a lot of their energy doing so. On the surface they may feel that they are in charge of their journey, but the course is far from certain and many get lost along the way, or at least, miss the forest for the trees. Think of people you know who complain about nature. What do they wish for? We cannot change the natural cadences of nature and it is without benefit to try.

Just as nature is overflowing with curves, corners, knots, and unexpected changes in direction, so too will our lives be filled with unpredictable twists and turns. While you may find yourself briefly on the straight and narrow path, there is sure to be a sudden curve up ahead. The journey of life does not always deliver you directly to your goals, but it will definitely bring you closer to yourself and to happiness. Since fall is often considered a time of letting go, perhaps this is a good time to let go of any resistance you have to nature and to dance to its music.

We live in a tenuous existence with natural and man-made disasters constantly testing us.  The hurricanes and earthquakes of late are just slices of the pie that force us to reflect on the nature of our lives, and especially the interpersonal relationships that are at its center.

It may seem impossible to feel grateful when faced with these disasters, but from them we can see reflections of ourselves that ultimate help us evaluate and improve the quality of our relationships. To live skillfully, we must pay special attention to this.  Since relationships are fundamental to the fabric of life, they are a great way to measure our growth…even the ones that have seemingly expired.  It is critical that we vividly remember those who have contributed to our past and what they have meant to our present and future.  Every one of our relationships undergoes a meaningful evolution. For many of us, relationships represent our journey for wholeness, completeness, and the desire to intimately connect with other human beings.  And like any living, breathing thing, relationships must be nurtured and tended to. They require constant work, focus, vigilance and patience. In this way, relationships may also be likened to a garden, which must be skillfully and lovingly cultivated. Here, reflection is key as well.

If we see these relationships suffering, we will benefit from remembering that many are mirrors of the most critical relationship we have—the one with ourselves.  Our inner happiness and peace is its own struggle and we as humans we have to learn to let go of things in life that are not important.  We must prioritize what is critical and distinguish those from those that are more minute.  Think of the how angry you’ve seen someone get over a dent in their car’s fender.  Then stop and think about their reaction to a member of their family or a friend in that same car in a horrific crash.  Think of how different these problems are. Just by taking a step back and shifting perspective the obvious becomes apparent once again.

My advice to you as we embark upon this anniversary is to prioritize what is important in life and reflect on how where you are investing your energy and attention.  After you do that, think of the little things that have consumed you, and then come back down to earth.  Remember the people that were in your “yesterdays,” are in your “todays” and will be in your “tomorrows,” relish in the benefits they have offered to your life and do everything you can to maintain them.

To begin, it is important to realize that very few people can achieve this quality of restoration without periodically disconnecting from technology and material life and intentionally reconnecting with family, friends, community and spirit. Some people actually have a daily practice of reflection, contemplation or meditation to do this. However, many others, perhaps most of us, do not adhere to a schedule of regular relief and only once or twice a year actually give themselves this opportunity–clearly, not often enough. The important thing is it has to be regular and reasonably frequent. Indeed, I believe our calendar actually guides us to this practice, yet few of us in our frenetic world actually manage to take advantage of it. I recommend that at a weekly ritual of restoration is what you need to regain and maintain balance.

Putting religious explanations aside, I believe the true wisdom of the Sabbath is that it is a time when regular activity ceases and you depart from the busi-ness of the rest of the week. Could a day to reconnect with family, friends, nature or the divine be enough to recharge your batteries? Historically, there is something profoundly important about honoring the periodicity that coincides precisely with the seven-day/quarter phases of the moon and probably suggests a more ancient appreciation of the seventh day. As we know, the moon has a substantial impact on the rhythms of life on earth—a fact that was well understood by ancient humans. Our modern language further reflects this in the words “menstruation” and “menses,” which come from the Latin mensis (month). Mensis relates to the Greek word mene (moon) and to the roots of the English words month and moon. Even more than the sun, the moon regulates the rhythms on earth.

The Sabbath day is an opportunity to renew and reconstitute, which helps prepare for the coming week’s challenges. Without even adding a religious overtone, this is a classic “day of rest,” which marks the culmination of the weekly cycle, in every sense of the word.

We eat when should be digesting; we are awake when we should be sleeping; we speed up when should be slowing down; and we spend when should be saving. We crave and cultivate wealth, power and privilege, which creates a cycle of working to make more money to buy more material things that we hope will make us happy, but rarely ever really do.

These vicious, man-made “cycles” are at odds with natural rhythms both in our world and within ourselves. For in the process of doing all of this we strip the earth of its resources and we pollute our air and water; and as we fall out of balance with nature’s cycles ourselves, we are led to poor health and dis-ease. Those who feel or are disconnected from the vital source of nature as well as family and community may find themselves overindulging in some manner to fill the void that these rich connections would otherwise bring. Whether it is with food, drugs, sex or material extravagance, overindulging inevitably leads to a never-ending cycle of fear and emptiness.

Here are some tips on paying attention to nature’s rhythms so that you can live a more balanced, skillful life:

• Observe your own Sabbath: Adopt a “Sabbath” ritual, e.g. a day once every seven that includes the elements of activity in nature, family and community, a special meal and rest. During the day, or at least a good portion of it, it would be wisest to disconnect from the tyranny of technology and the responsibilities of “work” that rule us during the other six days. This does not need to be a “religious observance,” however, one must appreciate that this interval of the seven day cycle that is the backbone of these traditions is as brilliant as it is essential. Our body, mind and spirit will benefit immensely and thrive if we give ourselves one day every seven to slow down, restoring and refortifying our connections to the earth, each other and spirit.
• Switch up your meals: Consume more at the onset of a meal, then see if you can slow down a little to better digest and absorb your food. Actually this may help you eat less overall; many times speed simply overrides our capacities to sense fullness. Most importantly, be careful with what you allow to enter your mind when you eat—perhaps recite a private prayer to give thanks as a routine. Finally, try to eat more during the day and less in the evening or at night.
• Hold off on the guilt: In order to keep your metabolism (e.g. your biorhythm) stable, make it a rule not to guilt your friends and family, and ask them to do the same! Emotional or physical stress induces a hormone releases which have significant effects on how our bodies function.
• Don’t fear the sun!: While it is true that we can easily overdue sun exposure, our body cannot produce Vitamin D without adequate intensity and quantity of sunlight. Besides artificial light options, a supplement of Vitamin D3 might be useful here as well.

Messages spew forth from more places than ever before, to the point that, if we are not monitoring our communication effectively, being heard is almost as challenging as knowing what to listen for and our decision making capacities are co-opted by the seductive images placed in our minds.

Clearly, navigating the terrain of investing our attention is a challenging yet empowering task. It is this kind of investment, and this kind of investment ONLY, in which the investor is so essential in the process. In the game of stocks and bonds, you are making a decision and then relying wholly on someone else to do the work. On the contrary, investing your attention requires mindfulness and dedication throughout every step of the process, and allows you the opportunity to check in on the progress of your investment each day. Where you are, whether you are in or out of alignment, the size of your dividends…these things all become highly accessible and within our grasp at every moment.

As an exercise in developing the skills necessary to make the best use of your attention, I’d like for you to identify the areas of your life where you’d like the greatest return. Then, make a commitment to investing your attention in these places. But, here’s the catch: you must make sure your selections are meaningful–encompassing your relationships, your health, your emotional well-being, even the footprint you are leaving on the planet. In order to be sure, spend the time to write down how the investment pays off with respect to each of these areas and then make a pledge to yourself to follow through. Although it will take work as well as enormous courage and the ability to manage feedback and criticism, you will find that it also yields the greatest reward, and is in turn the smartest investment you can make.

Without question, the best bet is that on yourself as it is the only instance where you can exert complete control over what happens to your investment. By so doing, you are not only making important changes in your life, but by eliminating the risk involved of leaving someone else in the driver’s seat, you have the greatest chance to succeed. Of course this also depends on having faith in yourself, but this is the golden opportunity to prove it once and for all. The ROI through an investment of attention instead of dollars provides the formula for the ultimate experience, one that is uplifting on every level.

When faced with the reality that things you might have taken for granted may never present themselves to you again, you will start to appreciate things you previously may not have.

On the other hand, if you think of winter as a restriction, it will only be a matter of time before you become a prisoner of your own limitations. Recognize that you currently possess the unyielding ability to seize and enjoy the great beauty that makes itself evident in so many of the season’s unique properties.

Candidly, the true skill we need to develop is to patiently look forward to spring without allowing anticipation to desecrate the sanctity of the current moment. If we succumb to the temptation of adopting a disparaging viewpoint about where we are currently, we will only undermine our own experience.

Another important task is to view the elements the season presents to us with an open mind and a welcoming spirit. Rather than regarding winter as a time when we easily become immobilized, recognize that these elements make us behave in a certain manner and identify the value of these behaviors. In many ways, winter provides us with a will to survive and in turn makes us stronger.

When faced with the excitement of a positive change, we owe it to ourselves to prepare for the transition. The best preparation is to station yourself firmly where you are now. Shed any hesitations you might feel and resist that urge to rush ahead. Use this unique opportunity to tap most intently into where you are now and explore the concept of spending “one more day” with winter.

Clearly, this is challenging, since, as a society we constantly desire stimulation. But rejecting boredom will not eradicate it, we must consider another approach On one hand, having wants and desires is beneficial to our physical and mental well-being, but there is a distinct difference between accepting a healthy lull in activity and becoming immobilized or “locked in” by winter. Indeed, a rigid view of the season will only add to the feeling of confinement. If winter is starting to seem monotonous and spring seems too far away, it may be time to break away from the way you view your usual routine, and break free from the mental constrictions that exacerbate your uneasiness.

As I have mentioned before the event of the full moon is the time to take action and the perfect time to do something different. Undoubtedly, there will be times when we are feeling antsy and restless. It is okay – important even – to feel this way most of the time during this season. But, it doesn’t have to rule you. The true test is learning how to deal with the feelings rather than rejecting them; and to stay in a rhythm–while the beat may slow down, it has not stopped! Once every 29¼ days, try breaking the monotony by engaging in something you wouldn’t normally do.

Remember how close to nature we have the ability to be. If you’re getting cabin fever, go outside. The thought of forfeiting your warm, cozy couch for thirty minutes on a cold, winter day may not seem optimal, but if you’re properly dressed, you’ll find that once you’re outside you will feel energized. Not only that, but when you return back inside, you will appreciate the warmth at an entirely different level.

In truth, “boredom” is a judgmental word. It is not beneath us. Tap into your boredom. Identify the difference between how active you are now as opposed to during the summer. Simply put, not having much to do is a normal occurrence, but it is also natural to desire. If we embrace the inactivity and break it up with appropriate activity, we can champion this process.

While I will not, in any capacity, dismiss the gravity of the problems currently occurring on the home front and abroad, I believe that we can gain understanding and more complete appreciation for these periods of turmoil by examining nature and its history, and by simply acknowledging the essential and omnipresent existence of cycles.
At one time or another, our earth has been hot, cold, stormy, volcanic, calm and tropical. What’s more, many of the more recent “episodes” may be due to or exacerbated by the effects of man’s neglect or abuse of the planet. While it’s not inaccurate to label extreme accounts of nature that result in catastrophes as “bad,” we cannot deny the role that many of them have had in the essence of our existence. In all fairness, some disasters and upheavals reflect normal cycles, which actually have brought us to this place and moment in time. From the point of view of human existence, the epic tragedies of Hurricane Katrina and the Indonesian tsunami were exceedingly awful. However, in retrospect, in may be unfair to classify every extinction, flood, tornado, eruption, and hurricane as a calamity. Looking at it from an evolutionary perspective, if a meteor had not struck the earth 65 million years ago wiping out nearly 90 percent of all living species, then human beings might never even exist.

Every day we see beauty emerge from tragedy. Fires in the Redwood Forest may destroy thousands of acres of beautiful trees, killing hundreds of animals and decimating the landscape for generations to come. Yet, these fires may be what are needed to return nutrients to the soil and generate the heat required for seedlings to germinate. What we consider “good” or “bad” depends on where we sit in relation to it.
Clearly, this is a time of pain. However, in addition to the shared feelings of grief that we experience at this time, it is also natural to feel afraid. The truth is, the earth is a dangerous place. The recent events call for a revitalized focus on how we protect our cherished lives and our relationships, whether that is with other people or the planet itself. Indeed, of all the animals on the planet, perhaps it is only the humans that can intentionally make a difference. In and of itself, this is perhaps the best way to react to such conditions.

In this way, nature forces us to confront our behavior and, in particular, may be our greatest resource for reestablishing balance, and for finding health. Fittingly, in the spring, we see how nature renews itself. The same goes for its inhabitants. Sometimes this renewal process is gradual and gentle. Sometimes it is violent and destructive. Nevertheless, these cycles are endless sources of wonder, healing, and inspiration.

To begin, it is important to realize that very few people can achieve this quality of restoration without periodically disconnecting from technology and material life and intentionally reconnecting with family, friends, community and spirit. Some people actually have a daily practice of reflection, contemplation or meditation to do this. However, many others, perhaps most of us, do not adhere to a schedule of regular relief and only once or twice a year actually give themselves this opportunity–clearly, not often enough. The important thing is it has to be regular and reasonably frequent. Indeed, I believe our calendar actually guides us to this practice, yet few of us in our frenetic world actually manage to take advantage of it. . I recommend that at a weekly ritual of restoration is what you need to regain and maintain balance.

Putting religious explanations aside, I believe the true wisdom of the Sabbath is that it is a time when regular activity ceases and you depart from the busi-ness of the rest of the week. Could a day to reconnect with family, friends, nature or the divine be enough to recharge your batteries? Historically, there is something profoundly important about honoring the periodicity that coincides precisely with the seven-day/quarter phases of the moon and probably suggests a more ancient appreciation of the seventh day. As we know, the moon has a substantial impact on the rhythms of life on earth—a fact that was well understood by ancient humans. Our modern language further reflects this in the words “menstruation” and “menses,” which come from the Latin mensis (month). Mensis relates to the Greek word mene (moon) and to the roots of the English words month and moon. Even more than the sun, the moon regulates the rhythms on earth.

The Sabbath day is an opportunity to renew and reconstitute, which helps prepare for the coming week’s challenges. Without even adding a religious overtone, this is a classic “day of rest,” which marks the culmination of the weekly cycle, in every sense of the word.

However, this is the time to ride the crest, look around and see how to maintain the flow that has already been set in motion, and not add more complexity to the work.

One way to gauge our ever-fluctuating level of satisfaction in life is to periodically reassess where we are and to check our course. The goals we set in the past may or may not continue to serve us, or remain practical for that matter. It is important that we not waste valuable time and energy. At this time of the year, one realizes that conscious conservation is critical. While productive and practical, sometimes the tactic of putting our head down and completing tasks at all costs lends itself to an imbalance, motivating us to continue gathering and planning beyond the point that it’s necessary. Letting go of goals is not the point, instead, it is about making sure one recognizes the difference between short term and long term objectives.

I encourage you to commend yourself for your ability to come as far as you have, and accept the responsibility of following through. And I suggest you give yourself permission to make the necessary adjustments to stay on the highest road possible. Sometimes this doesn’t become clear until we get further down the road. This is the true reality of nature: A farmer who selects his seeds and waters them diligently will still not necessarily have a full blown garden until nature has it in the cards for him.

Embrace your role in the larger scheme of the universe and put what you’ve worked for to practice, all things considered.

As most people know, the summer solstice identifies the moment in which the sun appears at its most northern point. But, the etymology of the word, solstice, had a deeper meaning to the Romans who coined the phrase. Here, sol (sun) and stice (standing still) indicate that this is the time when the sun appears to stand still. Indeed, the sun actually comes to a stop at its northernmost point before reversing direction, and with that, the tangible source of light-energy on the planet pauses for a moment so we may take the time to see it fully, to appreciate its strength. I ask you to stop and take a minute to feel the celestial forces that are pulling and pushing at us. It’s invigorating and a time when we should marvel at the rich pageant of life and color that the sun brings and soak up the energy ourselves to fully feed on it as well.

Imagine what we could do if each of us fully embraced nature’s energy and applied it to how we approach the goals in our lives, living more in alignment with nature’s rhythms and cycles. Taking advantage of nature’s gifts makes sense on many levels and, ultimately, is essential to any hope for enlightenment, not to mention basic health. Indeed, the muscular energy of this moment can uplift us. For me, the summer solstice is a reminder to look up.

However, this is not about reforming others. More to the point, it is about transforming our appreciation for what we bring to the relationship ourselves. To do so, we must first look in the mirror and be honest, learning to evaluate what level of commitment we are willing to give to those we love. As a result of the clarity we can achieve in this way, some of our relationships will grow stronger and deeper, though others will not.

This we must learn, and we must also learn to accept what we cannot change. As in nature, it is natural for some things to grow while others wither. Without judgment, we can embrace the necessary evolution of our relationships and understand that the growth we enjoy is dependent on our ability to let go at times.

During the highly celebrated wedding ceremony of Prince William and Kate Middleton, the Abbey of Westminster said, “Marriage should transform as husband and wife make one another their work of art. It is possible to transform so long as we don’t harm our ambitions by trying to reform our partners. There must be no coercion if the spirit is to flow. Each must give the other space and freedom.”

Ultimately, we must try to understand that transformation is possible only by respecting the autonomy of others and taking full responsibility for our part. Like two paddlers in the same canoe, we will get nowhere if we don’t honor this principle. Whether we are speaking of our intimate partner, our parents, children, friends, co-workers or neighbors, this rule applies.

Indeed, we can transform our world and enjoy a new sense of fulfillment and partnership with all of those around us, but to do so starts within ourselves with the elimination of any mindset of reformation and negativity. If we learn and grow and remain at peace with the earth and each other, even moving on can be seen in the positive. The beautiful butterfly is non apologetic when she leaves the carcass of her previous incarnation behind; instead she embraces the brief moment when she can fly. In this way, look for the love you seek inside and bring that forward.

Conscious awareness—the practice of remaining in contact with the true source of contentment—is the ultimate path to greater equanimity. Even in the midst of fear, misery and chaos, we can return to this feeling. Overtime, this state of contentment becomes the new habit. The key is to give it our fullest attention when it arises.

While even the most wonderful moments fade eventually, we can appreciate that they offer a rare glimpse of the nature of contentment. Contentment is never realized through external sources alone. Inner stillness and peace of mind are the foundations of true contentment.

Imagine, then, what it feels like to sit quietly with nature or with a community of people simply connected by peace and love. Afterward, try the more challenging practice of sitting quietly and continuously without getting sucked into the thoughts and stories that will arise—instead, let them float by like passing clouds. True contentment is woven into the fabric of our being. Our task is to simply discover where it resides.

Or, are you living unskillfully, your attention caught up in more superficial matters? Ask yourself: If you were to die tomorrow, what dreams would go unfulfilled? Putting off your hopes and wishes for future years can mean you never give them a chance.

One place to start is by focusing on the quality of our lives. Death, we can observe, is most problematic when the life that preceded it is incomplete or unfulfilled. Anyone who feels they have not been given enough time will fear death. Living in the moment, giving up our habitual procrastination and denial, making the most of the time we have, treasuring all the blessings life has given us—all these will quite dramatically reduce our fear of death.

Another important way to transform our fear of death is to have faith in something greater than ourselves and beyond this physical world. I am not simply suggesting that you ascribe to a traditional religious view of an afterlife that consists of a celestial kingdom or fiery underworld. There are ways of seeing the transcendent quality of our physical bodies that go beyond the overly simplistic, dualistic view of heaven and hell. This idea has the potential to animate us in such a way that it mitigates much of the anxiety over the eventual loss of our physical body.

Find a way to follow your dreams and live the life you want. Look at the areas of your life that matter most to you. Many of us know intuitively, or at least have some sense of where we resonate. Do more every day to appreciate and enjoy the people and things that are meaningful and bring you the greatest joy. Then ask yourself: When was the last time you told those to whom you are closest how much they matter to you? When did you last hug your parent, child, spouse, or companion? When did you last simply spend time with someone you love? Do not assume that you have forever to do this. Carve time every day to relax and enjoy life whether it comes in the form of reading a book, listening to music, snuggling with your child, taking your dog for walk, or standing outside and taking in the beauty of a summer sunset.

However, just as attachment is an essential part of nature, so too is the biological imperative for letting go: A hermit crab leaves a shell that is too small. A snake scurries away from its sibling’s moments after its birth. A bird freely abandons its nest once a squirrel or other animal has corrupted it. Tress let go of their leaves in the fall. Everywhere in nature we see examples of moving on and letting go. Humans, on the other hand, are challenged by this idea and struggle to leave the places, people and things to which they have grown accustomed. Like a well-worn sweater that has become a little too tight or soft leather couch that no longer supports us, we become so attached to things, especially our value systems and beliefs that we willingly screw up our lives to keep them in place. Unlike the rest of the natural world, we remain attached to the familiar, even after it no longer serves us and often after it contributes to states of dysfunction and poor health.

Where do we find the help to take on the challenge of letting go? The best answer takes us back to the Chinese understanding of autumn, of which another aspect is the change in the air. Most of us are familiar with the crispness and refreshing quality of the air at this time of the year. Autumn provides us with a welcome relief from the hot, oppressive and air-starved days of summer. In autumn, we literally stretch our lungs to fill with this air. And whether we realize it or not, metaphorically, it is a time for inspiration.

We require inspiration to have the courage to plunge into the depths of our attachments. We require inspiration to see them for what they are. And we require inspiration to help us shake lose from the ego’s identification with and its attachment to the things which cause us pain. It takes inspiration to move forward in our lives.

As a radical final thought, I would pose the following argument: letting go does not require as much work as it may seem. In autumn, leaves fall effortlessly from the trees. Try it—let your leaves go. I think you will be pleased with what happens in the spring.

While this has moral and social implications, on a personal level, this “resistant energy” has become a habit and can become problematic for us in achieving the very goals we have set out to achieve for ourselves. And, despite our ability to achieve and earn, we can fall short of a state of satisfaction and ease we expect. In any society, particularly one afraid of scarcity, this state of affairs creates an environment of deprivation for all. .

An affliction all too common, many patients come through my doors with a predisposed unease–a condition of distrust…and not just the trust of an iffy friend or a new romantic partner, but trust for themselves and faith in the fact that there are enough resources to sustain them. This, in turn, is the root of a number of other health problems—both physical and emotional—and must be addressed.

When such a person comes to see me, I often ask them if they feel secure. Nine times out of ten, they express the feeling of a relentless chase; chasing a lead and grappling with the doubt of what they’ve earned being sufficient in the not-so-distant future. I then ask them the rhetorical question about happiness, and if that is also a goal, to which they always reply yes. Next, I ask them to reflect, “How can we possibly be happy or ever feel secure if we are always looking over our shoulders; always in pursuit of the next dollar; always putting our hopes into something we know will one day vanish?”

The tragic irony of our pursuit of money is it will always fail to provide us with a sense of complete fulfillment. We gorge on material wealth to fill the void in our lives. Today, it seems we spend half of our lives chasing the modern version of the American dream and the other half envying those who are living it. Has anyone, however, ever stopped to notice how many people with money are miserable? Ironically, those who have “too much” money often suffer from having too many choices. So many choices paradoxically will create stress and anxiety. At the same time, the opposite extreme of wealth—poverty—has been just as devastating to the human spirit. Yet, some people considered “poor” by economic standards are not miserable at all, though many are. And, some wealthy people, particularly those who use their resources for society’s betterment, are happy as well. If we suffer when people have too little or too much, the questions arise: How much is enough and how do we find balance? Moreover, at some point do money and the things it buys cease to add appreciably to the quality of life on this planet?

At best, money’s benefit is temporary. Money engenders fear unless we change as we acquire it or transform our view and use of it into something other than commodities for our own adornment and amusement. We must serve others with our good fortune or risk getting caught in a vicious cycle. All the world’s riches have no purpose if they are not put to good use. If we constantly spend money on “toys,” we will remain empty and essentially unhappy. Happiness purchased in this way evaporates quickly.

Certainly, money and material wealth can help us organize and operate our society more humanely. However, we need to be aware that the things we do often have unwanted side effects, evidence of which we see on an almost daily basis. We are swayed by our desires and pushed by fears, particularly when it comes to money. Left unchecked, they urge us to possess and to hold on. Avoiding this trap demands that we really look in the mirror to seek out and then reflect on those moments of true contentment. Can you recall a time when all your yearnings were satisfied? Or, more accurately, look back to a time when your inner world was still; when you were free from wants and cravings. Did this moment occur as you watched the birth of your first child? Or, did it occur as you watched your daughter take her first steps, speak her first words or discover the beauty of a newly fallen leaf in autumn? Were you fishing with your father on a tranquil mountain lake or walking peacefully in the woods, away from the pressures of work and the endless pursuit of material wealth and sensual pleasure?

The answer is in mastering the ability to cultivate true contentment. The deepest, longest lasting satisfaction comes when we are resonating with nature, ourselves and others; and when we have shed most of our desires. Indeed, abundance is the absence of anxiety, not how much we possess. The deprivation that is experienced so widely ultimately has nothing to do with monetary wealth. It is a state of mind that even those who are rich are at risk for, reflecting the ultimate state of imbalance. Conscious awareness—the practice of remaining in contact with the true source of contentment—is the only true path to comfort. Even in the midst of fear, misery and chaos, we can return to this feeling, but we must first understand what is truly valuable and shift our attention to the appropriate goal. Over time, this state of contentment can become the new habit.

We reach this season when we have matured; when we are at our most effective and our life is at its fullest.

Although our culture often glorifies the phase that precedes this – when we are at the height of youthful energy – reaching this part of your life doesn’t have to be a sad thought. This is a time when we can enjoy the fruits of our youthful labors and combine that with the presence of mind to actually bring sweetness into our lives. Most importantly, it is a rich and full period that we can sustain for a very long time if we live skillfully. Although the late summer season in nature is relatively short, this stage can be the longest “season” in our life cycle if we learn to live it that way.

Try the sometimes challenging practice of sitting quietly and continuously without getting sucked into the thoughts and stories that will arise—instead, let them float by like passing clouds. The problem for us is that we are no longer comfortable in stillness and seek (like addicts) constant stimulation from outside sources. Simply, we have lost sight of and appreciation for the intrinsic fullness and beauty of nature and our integral place in it.

By cultivating stillness and a state of conscious awareness, we can return to a more authentic way of being. Being still and at rest means avoiding being overly preoccupied with the future, ruminating about the past and rarely in the present. It means being mindful and aware in the moment.

During these short days and long nights, it is good to practice being in the now and just being still. Listening to our pulse and feeling our calm, deep breaths flow through our bodies.

By modeling the behavior of water that has turned into solid, still ice, we too can slow down, and in so doing, conserve our energy.

As humans, we strive against this seasonal conservation of energy. We use outside energy sources such as lighting and heat that give us the ability to stay at a high activity level year-round. Even during the shortened winter days, we are able to continue working late into the night because of the electricity that lights our offices and homes. As the temperatures outside drop, we’re still able to travel and stay active because of cars, planes and other technologies. These modern conveniences improve our lives in many ways, but in a sense, they are not natural and help us to fall increasingly out of touch with nature’s rhythms.

While I’m not suggesting that anyone do away with modern technology and shelter in the middle of winter, we should let ourselves accept and be affected by the cold in other ways. This is the time to stay inside where it’s warm, suspend activity and conserve our energy. It is not practical or healthy to become completely dormant, but how can we bring a sense of hibernation into the winter months? Doing so is not only restorative, it’s an appropriate way to connect with the rhythms of nature. Think ahead to how active nature becomes in the spring and how much energy we will need during those months. By doing less now and not expending energy unnecessarily, we are able to conserve our energy for the next season.

Indeed, by staying inside, going to bed earlier, using our cars less and “plugging into” technology for fewer hours out of the day, not only can we conserve our own energy, we can do our part to conserve electricity and other resources used to power our over-active lives.

This is a time to make use of these extended daylight hours and heat, but we must take care not to overdo it.

Since the days are long during this season, we can take advantage of the extra hours. In many traditional cultures, people take a time of rest during summer afternoons. They allow themselves to stop work during the hottest time of the day and then return to their activities rejuvenated when the temperatures cool down. Clearly, this makes sense on many levels. By wisely balancing your expenditure of energy in a similar way, you may see that you can accomplish a lot without draining yourself.

Carve time every day to relax and enjoy life whether it comes in the form of reading a book, listening to music, snuggling with your child, taking your dog for walk, or standing outside and taking in the beauty of a summer sunset.

Frequently, complaining is an expression of frustration with life’s obstacles. We complain about our bosses, friends and relatives. We complain about finances. Or, we become exasperated with the status quo. “Life is not fair” is something I hear often.

Complaints often result when we fail to recognize that we have more choices than we are willing or able to consider. Perhaps the biggest obstacle in our path is our tendency to feel victimized or deficient in some way. And we put so much energy into maintaining the victim/deficient mindset that we lose sight of the alternatives, which are often staring us right in the face. It’s like looking only at the mud and failing to see the beautiful lotus growing out of it.

Every day, we see examples of people who are impoverished in some manner but who seem content and whose lives are filled with beauty; whereas, others wallow in their condition and are more affected by their circumstances. If it is true that we create our own reality, we can avoid or transcend life’s impediments. Sadly, we do not always do this. Our shared empathy for society’s downtrodden frequently morphs into pity, blinding us to the wisdom and power of contentment.

The key is first to do some self-reflection; to look in the mirror, accept your situation and search for opportunities to be yourself more completely. Make the effort. Do not assume you are handcuffed because there are numerous barriers in your way. Follow the example of others who have also been in challenging situations, yet who managed to find balance, happiness and peace. Crises offer us golden moments for growth and development. Sometimes they are the mud that brings sustenance to a beautiful flower.

In the same vein, as we gain solid footing in the summer season, we are reminded of how important it is to identify the opportunities it presents, and how critically important it is to seize the moment. Much like if you were growing fruit in your garden, after all the work and waiting, the time will come when you must pick it and enjoy, otherwise it will all go to waste. This, indeed, is a central tenet for Skillful Living.

Literally and metaphorically speaking, what we have in front of us now is a garden full of ripe berries which we’ve been dutifully tending to all year long. If you look back, in the fall, we pruned the branches and put the plants to bed, letting go of the old; in the winter, we left things alone allowing them to rest, suspending judgment and honoring the stillness; and in the spring, we prayed with our hearts for the sustenance of the elements of sun and water to work their magic, appreciating the nature of renewal and looking forward to new growth . Now, with the sun nearing its peak, it is both our obligation and delight to bask in its warm embrace and how its energy sustains us. At this moment, life’s pace speeds up, and excitement brews. But we must be careful to effectively dismiss hesitation and pick the ripe fruit without being impulsive or precipitous. We cannot rush the process more than we can hold onto it. Ultimately, there is a rhythm and flow that we must align with in order to make the most of our time.

In fact, one creates the other. “Is there a difference between yes and no,” asked Lao Tzu, Taoism’s first sage. “Is there a difference between good and evil?” He replied, “Under heaven all can see beauty only because there is ugliness. All can know good as good only because there is evil.” What are we to make of this polarity then? How do we deal with the tug of war between these seeming opposites? Indeed, the answer lies in the understanding that they are interdependent, two sides of the same coin.

It has been said that in the 2 weeks preceding a significant event – even an inherently positive one – we experience the greatest turmoil. During this time, the energy from up ahead blows down on us like the wind before a storm. At this time, we have a tendency to jump ahead into the throws of the transition. As a result, we are at greatest risk for becoming imbalanced, even sick.. While all our lives we are taught to equate moving forward with positivity, we often forget that this movement is far bigger than we are; and rather than acting on our impulses, we would be best served delaying our own action while observing the initial stages and changes that are beginning to amass in front of us.

Right at this moment, these changes are happening…and just like you would in advance of a storm, it is advisable to stay grounded. From the unearthed worm, emerging intently from the dirt that protected him all winter to faithfully attract the robins, to the subtle change in our daily pace from one season to the next, it is critical at this juncture to be aware of what is occurring around us. At this pivotal time and setting, it is best to operate at a high level of discretion and discernment, and exercise the necessary judgment to remain grounded throughout the transition. Indeed, the changes that we first associate with spring; the worms, the robins, the snow drops and crocuses all happen on the ground, well before the trees bloom or the skies clear.

Nature is a curious thing, in that it is indifferent to the processes it sustains. The great wall of water that refills a river after the long dry season also floods crops, drowns unsuspecting animals, and destroys nearly everything in its path. Nature’s moral relativism can be hard for us to comprehend. Since so many of the processes that sustain life also take it away, it is impossible to determine whether something is good or bad. Many of us do not do well with this level of ambiguity at first, but life’s opposites are merely expressions of a deeper underlying unity; a cycle that connects and defines life in all its forms and processes. Instead of choosing sides, we should see how opposites merge into one another. Suspending our judgment is one way of doing this. No matter how eager we are for the future, change does not all happen at once, and sometimes the bigger picture or a meditative retrospective is the missing link between haste and triumph.

The ground is also a place where we can get our footing when tempted to lurch forward. On this day of the seasonal cycle, there is something very comforting about finding the utmost stability in the very place where the most movement is occurring. As porous pieces of land give way, flowers break through and chutes of grass begin to sprout again, and with it our impulses. But, don’t put your jacket away just yet. Evade the hustle by moving forward steadily, leaving winter behind for sure, but not so fast…never forgetting to observe the beauty of each step of the process – both sides of the coin.

Beneath the surface, relationships are like a complex and enchanting dance. And like a dance, they express deeply felt emotions, including love, courage, affection and joy, as well as sorrow and anger.

As we navigate through the many layers of our lives, so do our relationships. We experience a multitude of beginnings and endings—some that are clearly defined, others that are not; some that see the end of an expired bond, others that do not—all the same, the true opportunity is in the ability to cultivate and develop our relationships, as it is they that offer the best mirror to determine our progress and assure our growth.

Meaningful relationships occur on many levels. There are romantic relationships defined on the grounds of passion, commitment and intimacy. There are family relationships that establish roles, create identities and foster the early growth of individual members. There are workplace relationships between boss and employee and bonds forged at school between teacher and student. At other times, our relationships as members of a community resemble the highly coordinated movement of a flock of birds or school of fish: seemingly working and maneuvering as a single unit, gracefully changing direction in an instant. Scientists understand the behavior of a flock of birds not to be the property of any individual bird, but rather the property of the group itself. There is no leader, no overall control; instead the flock’s movements are determined by the moment-by-moment decisions of individual birds, following simple rules in response to interactions with their neighbors in the flock.

We can see that healthy relationships function much the same way. People following fairly simple rules interact with each other to form a cohesive and dynamic whole. At times, they may even appear to be straddling the line between stability and anarchy, much like a flock of birds or school of fish. Somehow, they work in the sense that they always provide the forces that will inevitably shape our lives. It is up to us then, to make good use of them. Among other things, cherishing those that provide the nurturing, even when it is complicated, is deserved. Ultimately, this requires both recognition and acknowledgement. Even if someone is no longer present in our lives we can do this by simply honoring the past in our mind and heart. Over all, relationships require work, focus, vigilance and patience, even in retrospect. Otherwise, what existed of them will wither away. Knowing this, it is important to recognize that there is always the potential for growth. In this way, relationships may also be likened to a garden, which can be skillfully and lovingly restored or allowed to run wild, even after a storm has ravished it. Just as a gardener tends to his plot of land, planting seeds, tilling the soil, growing plants, and keeping it free of weeds, so we must tend to our relationships, nurturing those we value most, tending to those that need a little extra support, and even dispensing of those that no longer work.

By exhibiting discernment on our own progress we can continue to move forward, thoughtfully and skillfully.

Although we are taught that we have the ability to be individually independent and free, in general, humans have a herd mentality, which is a reflection rooted deep in fear. In nature, a zebra or wildebeest avoiding a lion best illustrates the nature of herd behavior. Each member of the herd minimizes the danger to itself by choosing the location and behavior that is as close to the center of the group as possible (no wildebeest goes off and lives by its own device). Evolutionary biologist W. D. Hamilton wrote about this very subject more than three decades ago and commented that while a herd appears to move and act as one, much like a flock of birds, its pattern actually emerges from the behavior of individuals seeking self-preservation. Individually, humans also naturally protect themselves in this way.

In human societies, the idea of a herd mentality is offered as a rationalization when large numbers of people act equally at the same time, as in the case of rioting or looting. Some herd behavior has mild consequences, such as jeering the opposing team at sporting events, while for other cases, the mindset can lead to widespread or mass hysteria, as in the case with the Stock Market crash of the mid-1980s. However, as Professor Louis Renes Beres once pointed out in an essay, more than almost anything else human beings need to belong. The herd creates a sense of safety and unity in the middle. However, while herds are beneficial to both animal and human existence, it is most important that we maintain balance between the two extremes.

A “herd’ can be many things; a state, faith, a political or revolutionary organization, a job or simply a social group. Whatever particular herd we seek membership in, it is with profound meaning that we constantly question our relationship to the herd and recognize the ever-present existence of our individual freedom. If at some point we don’t feel connected to the herd or realize our beliefs are no longer parallel, it is the power of independence that allows us to break free and the courage to make a decision and choose another path.

I encourage you to ask yourself, what herd do you run with? What role do you play in your group? Do you ever take the lead, or yet, fall back to let someone else have their turn in the spotlight? When is the last time you questioned your role, and is it time again? Would you survive without your place in the herd, and if so, why have you not tried to? Any behavior that has impeded your ability to claim your independence is one worth examining.

When you are caught up in an argument, you can either put tons of energy into battling it out, or you can transcend it by simply letting it drop. Taking the latter course is not giving in, it’s about letting go. Habitually, we protect our fragile egos by pointing a finger at others. Instead, we should look at ourselves when we have a challenging relationship. Why does it take so little to push our buttons? As we search for the answer to this question, we will discover additional opportunities for maturation and growth.

After all, our relationships, like all of our life experiences, reflect our inner world. Most importantly, our outlook and interpretation of the actions of others depends on our relationship with our self. It is not unreasonable to say that enjoying a full meaningful relationship with another being hinges on our ability to come to terms with the relationship we are having with ourselves. It follows that you cannot have sound, healthy relationships if you are not in good shape.

This is the time when the bucks stop fighting over does and the herd reunites as a unified tribe; all of the deer are one family again. What plans will you make to unite in peace with your family, friends and community?

Notwithstanding our historic appreciation for nature’s cycles, our society has gradually drifted from a way of living that is supported by its rhythms. We eat when should be digesting; we are awake when we should be sleeping; we speed up when should be slowing down; and we spend when should be saving. We crave and cultivate wealth, power and privilege. Making more money to buy even more things to acquire “contentment” is a cherished way of life in the west. Industries produce and sell goods and services for enjoyment without relation to need or the quality of life. More goods and services generate more demand for more things; advertisements fuel the demand for things we do not even need. And the more things we feel we need, the more we need to work. This vicious, manmade cycle is at odds with natural rhythms both in our world and within ourselves.

I am not suggesting that you abandon all modern conveniences and luxuries, even though living a simpler, more authentic existence might move you closer to nature’s rhythms. Connecting to things that are more inherently fulfilling can move you into a more balanced state. This balance could be attained by a reorganization of priorities and letting go of the accumulation mindset, which keeps many of us stuck in habitual patterns of unskillful behavior. Or it could begin with being mindful to engage in activities and habits that are seasonally appropriate. Do you rest in the winter? Were you outside during the spring? Are you taking time to reflect in the fall?

We may suddenly find ourselves very busy, caught up in worrying about what we have to do next and working out our schedules for the coming weeks.

If you are balanced and relaxed then you can take a moment to absorb the wonder. The future evolves as you evolve. Finding new things every moment brings you closer to the flow. Be of the mindset that something special could happen at any moment. Be prepared. Reflecting skillfully is about staying present and living now. Treasure is found in the day-to-day act of living in love with life.

Just as nature is overflowing with curves, corners, knots, and unexpected changes in direction, so our lives are, and should be, filled with unpredictable twists and turns. While you may find yourself briefly on the straight and narrow path there is sure to be a sudden curve up ahead. Like a treasure trail, this path will lead to unexpected destinations and surprise you. You may be faced with difficult questions such as “Who am I, what my purpose is and what is of value to me?” Some of these questions may be answered after a long period of effort. Others you may discover through everyday experiences.

I would advise you to enjoy and learn from the adventure of finding treasure. Part of the journey’s beauty is the unexpected. The curving path is often the most interesting one. Resist becoming attached to what “needs” to happen and remain pliant, which is truly the definition of strength, as you continue on your respective journey.