With the aggression of election week wrapping up and the holiday season just beginning, you might do well to reflect for a moment on the battles you have been fighting. Much like the bucks dropping their antlers, this is a good time to put down your own weapons. 

When you are caught up in an argument, you can either put tons of energy into battling it out, or you can transcend it by simply letting it drop.  Taking the latter course is not giving in, it's about letting go. Habitually, we protect our fragile egos by pointing a finger at others. Instead, we should look at ourselves when we have a challenging relationship. Why does it take so little to push our buttons? As we search for the answer to this question, we will discover additional opportunities for maturation and growth.

After all, our relationships, like all of our life experiences, reflect our inner world. Most importantly, our outlook and interpretation of the actions of others depends on our relationship with our self. It is not unreasonable to say that enjoying a full meaningful relationship with another being hinges on our ability to come to terms with the relationship we are having with ourselves. It follows that you cannot have sound, healthy relationships if you are not in good shape.

This is the time when the bucks stop fighting over does and the herd reunites as a unified tribe; all of the deer are one family again.  As the holidays approach, what plans will you make to unite in peace with your family, friends and community?

Question: The tradition in my extended family is for everyone to go to my sister's house for the holidays.  Although I like the holidays and am close with most of my family members, I really hate going because an old argument from years ago still causes a lot of tension between my sister and me.  She seems to take every opportunity she can to make nasty comments about me. It's very uncomfortable and I really only go because I have to.  How can I make holidays with my family more tolerable?

Answer:  The first part of my answer to your question needs to be another question: how bad is your relationship with your sister?  There are times when a relationship is truly broken, and if that is the case for you, then you should let it go and skip the holiday events.  Don't cling to negative, unfixable relationships in your life.

However, if that suggestion doesn't sit right with you, then it reflects that you have a desire to heal the relationship.  There is obviously something important about it to you.  In that case, with a little work, not only can you approach the holidays with your family in a way that makes them tolerable, there is a way to embrace it and look forward to it.

Whether it's a coworker, a stranger, a friend or family member, we've all had someone get under our skin.  Although it isn't right, these instances help us remain aware of what sets us off, or what "our buttons" are.  If your sister says something to hurt or bother you at the next family gathering, instead of reacting defensively, try to see it as an opportunity to reflect on your own issues.  Each time someone gets a rise out of you, be thankful that it created that awareness.  It's not always easy to admit, but when someone, anyone, is pushing your buttons, you have to remember that they're YOUR buttons.  The work you can do once you've recognized these buttons is to learn about them and develop ways to cope with them.

Ask, "Why am I so affected by this person's comments?" Why does she so easily push my buttons?" "What do I know and how can I move forward to create a better state of balance?" This last affirmation can help you rise above your condition (even when that condition takes the form of another person) to achieve a state of peace, harmony and tranquility.

• On November 6^th, Jeni Garrett of Woodhouse Day Spas will join us to discuss using spa treatments and relaxation techniques to cope with cancer treatments.
• On November 13^th Dr. Jordan Josephson will join us to discuss his book, Sinus Relief Now.  
• On November 20^th, we will speak with Bear Walker about giving thanks.
• On November 27^th, my family will gather in The Skillful Living Room for a special installment called "A Family Affair."

On Tuesday, February 15^th at 7pm, I will be leading a workshop at The Bedford Post Inn.  The workshop will cover "Restoring Balance in a 'Chronic' Culture."  Chronic health conditions on the rise in the US, where more than half of Americans are afflicted with a long-term or permanent illness.  This workshop is designed to help anyone who is dealing with a chronic condition, anyone whose loved one has a chronic condition and anyone who feels out of balance.   Whether someone is struggling with fibromyalgia or asthma, migraines or depression, back pain or cancer, infertility or addiction, the workshop will offer actionable steps for dealing with a long-term condition physically, emotionally and spiritually.  I will also offer thoughts on why these often-devastating afflictions are so common today. 

FINALLY! A New Thought for the New Moon