As we talk about the power of development, bringing ourselves independence and blossoming like fruit that is ready to bloom, it is important to still reach further.  Perhaps during our growth process we should always leave room to ripen a bit more, allowing ourselves room for growth and improvement. By exhibiting discernment on our own progress we can continue to move forward, thoughtfully and skillfully.

Although we are taught that we have the ability to be individually independent and free, in general, humans have a herd mentality, which is a reflection rooted deep in fear.  In nature, a zebra or wildebeest avoiding a lion best illustrates the nature of herd behavior. Each member of the herd minimizes the danger to itself by choosing the location and behavior that is as close to the center of the group as possible (no wildebeest goes off and lives by its own device). Evolutionary biologist W. D. Hamilton wrote about this very subject more than three decades ago and commented that while a herd appears to move and act as one, much like a flock of birds, its pattern actually emerges from the behavior of individuals seeking self-preservation. Individually, humans also naturally protect themselves in this way.

In human societies, the idea of a herd mentality is offered as a rationalization when large numbers of people act equally at the same time, as in the case of rioting or looting. Some herd behavior has mild consequences, such as jeering the opposing team at sporting events, while for other cases, the mindset can lead to widespread or mass hysteria, as in the case with the Stock Market crash of the mid-1980s. However, as Professor Louis Renes Beres once pointed out in an essay, more than almost anything else human beings need to belong. The herd creates a sense of safety and unity in the middle.  However, while herds are beneficial to both animal and human existence, it is most important that we maintain balance between the two extremes.

A "herd' can be many things; a state, faith, a political or revolutionary organization, a job or simply a social group. Whatever particular herd we seek membership in, it is with profound meaning that we constantly question our relationship to the herd and recognize the ever-present existence of our individual freedom. If at some point we don't feel connected to the herd or realize our beliefs are no longer parallel, it is the power of independence that allows us to break free and the courage to make a decision and choose another path.

I encourage you to ask yourself, what herd do you run with?  What role do you play in your group?  Do you ever take the lead, or yet, fall back to let someone else have their turn in the spotlight?  When is the last time you questioned your role, and is it time again?  Would you survive without your place in the herd, and if so, why have you not tried to?  Any behavior that has impeded your ability to claim your independence is one worth examining.

Please share your thoughts...  

Question:  My son is going away to college in the fall.  I know that my husband and I have done a good job raising him, so I have faith in his ability to make wise decisions, but I think he forgets sometimes that he's not fully an adult yet, so I worry about not being able to guide him the way I have for the past 18 years. I know that his education will help him become a more successful person as he moves forward into adulthood, and that the social experiences he'll soon embark on will help him establish a deeper sense of character, but I still can't help but feel a loss of control and a diminished ability to protect him.  I swore, when I was going off to school, that I wouldn't feel this way when it was my turn, but I do.  How do I turn this around? 

Answer:  What you're experiencing is actually quite common, and you should be very proud, not only of your son for advancing into the next phase of his academic career and life, but of yourself for having a solid grasp of the feelings you're experiencing.  However, rather than 'turning them around,' I'd like for you to utilize them to get a deeper understanding of how to cope with them in a skillful way. Fortunately,  now is the perfect time  to take charge of your feelings. You shouldn't feel ashamed in any way.  The love for your son is pure and maternal, but I'd like for you to entertain the idea that perhaps his independence, along with some other factors, is scaring you.

As a matriarch, seemingly a strong and expressive one, you've created a bond with your child and a sense of identity for yourself as his mother.  Your job now, will be not only to guide him through his 

As we become parents, we have a tendency to take on the identity of a nurturing individual and lose a bit of our own identity.  It sounds as though your role as a mother has become such an inherent part of you that you've lost a bit of your own individuality.  Do your feelings about your son's journey to college reflect your fear about whether or not he will be all right, or do they equally reflect your imminent feelings of emptiness once he's left?  Are you ready to counter his independence with a declaration of your own?

I don't doubt that you are truly dedicated to your family and that the meaning is genuine, but it seems as though your duties as a mother have made it easier to hide your own fears.  Without your son as the focal point in your life, it may be scary. 

The most liberating moment you will have will be making a choice that has scared you for years.  It could be the thought of going back to school that deeply interests you, but scared you, too.  You may have thought about moving into a smaller house, but used your son as excuse to delay making choices and moves.  There is no better time than now.  Celebrate this season of independence and claim your life and everything it has to offer.  Treat your mind and body with respect and do what you know is balanced and right for your health and happiness.  Just because you are a grown women doesn't mean there isn't room for growth.  Don't be afraid, instead be free.

Please submit your own question here.

The next three episodes of The Skillful Living Room will be available here the day after they air.

You can, of course, listen live, by tuning into the "listen live" link at Business Talk Radio. The show airs every Saturday at 12 Noon EDT. 

o    On July 2^nd, Dr. Andrea Ianuzzelli will join me to discuss the powerful shift 

in perspective she experienced at the height of her medical practice.

o    On July 9^th, astrologer Pamela Cucinell and I will discuss the importance of guiding ourselves to validate our path through the blueprint of astrology and the significance of the moon itself.

The last three episodes of The Skillful Living Room are available here.  

• Coming up, the Learning Annex will be releasing my lecture about detox and juicing.  Stay tuned for more information on when the video will become available. 

FINALLY! A New Thought for the New Moon