|
|
|
Full Moon Wisdom | |
"One must know not just how to accept a gift, but with what grace to share it."
-Maya Angelou |
|
|
| Dear Michael, | 
Two weeks ago, I wrote about the significance of the Milk Moon and the importance of our relationships. Now, as we enter into the phase of the Full Moon, we should take this opportunity to take action, looking more fully into the quality of the relationships we have. We need to honor our loved ones, not merely by saying so, but by strengthening the relationships we have with them. However, this is not about reforming others. More to the point, it is about transforming our appreciation for what we bring to the relationship ourselves. To do so, we must first look in the mirror and be honest, learning to evaluate what level of commitment we are willing to give to those we love. As a result of the clarity we can achieve in this way, some of our relationships will grow stronger and deeper, though others will not.
Periodically then, we must take this inventory, and we must also learn to accept what we cannot change. As in nature, it is natural for some things to grow while others wither. Without judgment, we can embrace the necessary evolution of our relationships and understand that the growth we enjoy is dependent on our ability to let go at times.
During the highly celebrated wedding ceremony of Prince William and Kate Middleton, the Abbey of Westminster said, "Marriage should transform as husband and wife make one another their work of art. It is possible to transform so long as we don't harm our ambitions by trying to reform our partners. There must be no coercion if the spirit is to flow. Each must give the other space and freedom."
Ultimately, we must try to understand that transformation is possible only by respecting the autonomy of others and taking full responsibility for our part. Like two paddlers in the same canoe, we will get nowhere if we don't honor this principle. Whether we are speaking of our intimate partner, our parents, children, friends, co-workers or neighbors, this rule applies.
Indeed, we can transform our world and enjoy a new sense of fulfillment and partnership with all of those around us, but to do so we must begin within ourselves with the elimination of any mindset of reformation and negativity. If we learn and grow and remain at peace with the earth and each other, even moving on can be seen in the positive. The beautiful butterfly is non apologetic when she leaves the carcass of her previous incarnation behind; instead she embraces the brief moment when she can fly. In this way, look for the love you seek inside and bring that forward.
With Warmth,
Michael |
|
|
|
|
Consider This...Skillful Reflection | |
At this time of the year, between Mother's Day and Father's Day, we are reminded to celebrate those who came before us, those who taught us and those who continue to guide us. And while many of the feelings we experience during this time are heartwarming, these holidays may also remind us of damaged relations with those
in our lives, (including and also aside from our parents,) that can leave us a bit lost in how we move forward. Fostered by our "advanced" society's perpetual interest in fixing things, we might see some of these relationships in this same light, seeing them as broken.
In this way, we immediately try to mend our broken relationships, as if they were machines or inanimate objects, with the right tool or the missing part. But that is not skillful. The skillful approach would be in the learning, particularly in the ability to dance with our various partners, moving with them, instead of pushing them around. Sensitivity and tenderness are the rule. We must cultivate our relationships and care for them. Just as a gardener tends to his plot of land, planting seeds, tilling the soil, growing plants, and keeping it free of weeds, so too must we tend to our relationships, nurturing those we value most, nursing those that need a little extra support, and even dispensing of others that no longer work.
The act of cultivation doesn't mean to reform; it means to care for, to nurture and find the good in what we have and grow something even more solid and beautiful from it. It is to take what is right in front of us and inside of us and make it flourish. The attitude of reform and repair implies an inherent flaw. We must remember that co-transformation is the rule instead of finding the negative faults and altering the fundamentals of who and what we are and,as importantly, who and what we are in relationship to.
We have our relationships within our families, with our friends and society and our relationship with ourselves and the planet. We must not forget either that our relationship with others is a direct reflection of how well we are living. Good relationships require compassion, balance, flexibility, and equanimity. Our primary relationships-with others and ourselves-are a true reflection of our physical, emotional and spiritual health.
While we tend to get caught up in the drama of our day-to-day relationships, there is another view worth keeping in mind. In the big picture, we each play a part, much like single cells within a multi-cellular organism, as an element of the natural world. However, unlike other organisms, as conscious beings, we are imbued with significant powers.We thus have a responsibility to the whole and we will consciously need to develop and maintain working relationships with our neighbors, as well as relationships with others that seem more distant. Our special personal relationships aside, this is perhaps a more important aspect to the dance.
If we can take this higher view and simultaneously lessen the interference that our ego creates, we may get a glimpse of our broader purpose and come into resonance and harmony with all life. The resultant co-creative force becomes synergistic and even more powerfully creative and beautiful. I submit that this is the ultimate value and purpose of our relationships.
Please share your thoughts...
|
|
Advice from the Skillful Doctor | |
Question: I know my brother is feeling distant because he lives farther from the rest of our family and feels disconnected. He is especially sad and I know he is feeling neglected, not only for himself, but for his children. My parents (his parents) have only visited his family once over many years. They have sited difficulty getting there and taking time off as excuses and often blame his move for their distant relationship. His own feelings of neglect are now turning to feelings of anger and resentment. Now his anger has turned on me, as I have now fallen into the busy cycle of life and have missed many opportunities to visit, as well. He doesn't visit us now either. How do I fix what we've become and make things right?
Answer: Thank you for your question. Indeed, as a result, I have specifically chosen to delve deeper and pay close attention to our relationships for this full moon letter, especially as it applies to those relationships that are challenging. It is important to remember that as members of our "advanced" society, we try to repair and fix things; but to some degree it is this energy and mindset that has caused and perpetuates much of the disharmony we experience. Thus, I would begin my answer with a suggestion that you step back and reframe the situation. Perhaps a fix is not necessary. I have a feeling that some nurturing with the  tools of kindness and soulfulness is in order.
Specifically in your situation it is not necessarily about fixing your relationship between you and your brother. First and most notably, there is anger because there is love; and, the only reason there is a feeling of neglect and anger is deeply rooted in that love. Indeed, you can be thankful that you have such a deep bond and this longing is evidence of that. To begin, I would share that feeling. Ideally you would check your ego so that you can reconnect with the nature of your affection before it was disrupted by the storm (your brother's move). It seems that other members of your family were also affected by this storm, and up to now, you were following the same cycle as your family and making unskillful and unhealthy choices by not visiting. However, since you are the one asking, you may be in the best position to set the stage for the transformation you seek.
Without thinking about it too much, you should simply proceed, not limited by the questions about how much time you have to visit or how much it will cost you. Instead, your focus and attention should be on the meaning of each day spent with your brother and his family. If, on the other hand, you were to continue to cite the obstacles and remain detached from the signficance of this relationship with your family, you would continue to devalue yourself as a person and that explains much about how you feel now.
By setting a positive example for your brother and your parents, you begin to return the soil of your weathered garden into a state of health; making an important imprint with your intentions, and setting a standard that bears a light everyone will see. By reminding yourself of the nature of your relationship, you can find the power to transform yourself and your relationship with your family.
As the Buddhists maintain, we have trouble learning from our mistakes because we do not make the "right" effort," which demands continuous work to keep our minds free of thoughts that hinder our ability to live skillfully. By making the right effort-the sixth aspect of Buddhism's Noble Eightfold Path-one becomes free of attachments and delusions, leading to an understanding of the truth about all things and providing the necessary energy and motivation for growth and progress towards freedom. To be clear, this requires that once we recognize what the right action is, we do it. However, this does not happen serendipitously, instead we must choose to do this work or suffer the consequences of neglect.
Share this with your brother and make the plan to visit. Once you are there, take comfort and joy in the good feelings you can cultivate and cherish every moment. Life is too short to take any other path.
Submit your own question here.
|
|
Announcements | |
The next three episodes of The Skillful Living Room will be available here the day after they air. You can, of course, listen live, by tuning into the "listen live" link at Business Talk Radio. The show airs every Saturday at 12 Noon EDT.
- On May 14th I met with divorce coach, Susan de Robertis and discussed ending relationships with skill.
- Next on May 21st, you can listen in to Skillful Relationships Part 2,during a relationship show with Robin Queen. We will be speaking about listening.
- Then, on May 28th, I wil be discussing the Science of Homeopathy with my friend and colleague, Dr. Ronald Whitmont.
- The last three episodes of The Skillful Living Room are available here.
The next Group Juice Fast I will be hosting will begin on Monday, June 13th at SunRaven. The 8 day program will conclude on, the first day of summer, Tuesday June 21st. If you have been thinking about undertaking a true "cleanse" or detox, a green juice fast along with a comprehensive protocol developed by one of the leading experts in the field can be an extremely valuable experience. The SunRaven Juice Fast is unique in that it offers the support from a group of participants who share this interest and live in the same community, as well as my personal guidance and participation. If you have any questions, send an email to: juicefast@sunraven.org.
On Saturday, June 18th, I will be hosting the first "Summer Solstice Celebration at SunRaven," featuring sacred music, singing and dancing, with Sharada Wen and Friends. To pre-register for the festivities on the bountiful SunRaven lawn or for more information, email michael@sunraven.org. Advance tickets are $20 ($25 on the day of the event).
Coinciding with the next Group Juice Fast, Warren Falcon and I will be leading an introductory workshop on the Power of Dreams and initiate the SunRaven Mid-Summer's Night Dream Group. The first meeting will take place on Friday June 17th. For more information send an email to michael@sunraven.org.
The next SunRaven Book Club will take place on June 20th (coinciding with the juice fast, though all are welcome). The book is Broken Open by Elizabeth Lesser, a critically acclaimed book that has inspired readers in the understanding that there is great potential for growth as a result of the pain we experience. Clearly, this is difficult subject matter, but so vital to our ability to create meaning in our lives, especially in the face of the challenges we face. Foir more information, send an email to: bookclub@sunraven.org.
And, on Wedneday, June 22nd, the first SunRaven Gathering of the Grandmother's Net of Light, will take place. The event is intended to create a union between like minded women of today who wish to share their hearts with the woman of the earth that preceeded them. The evening will include a sacred gathering and potluck dinner and conclude with a fire ceremony on the lawn at SunRaven. For more information contact, robin.queen@yahoo.com
Coming up, I will be recording a lecture with the Learning Annex about detox and juicing. Stay tuned for more information as dates of availability become available.
Links
- For more information on SunRaven, Dr. Finkelstein's holistic health center in Bedford, NY, please visit Sunraven.org
- Twitter
- To comment on this letter, please visit The Skillful Living Blog
- Skillful Living Room
|
|
FINALLY! A New Thought for the New Moon | |
FINALLY! A MeaningFull Action for the Full Moon
I close today's letter with this suggested activity for the full moon:
During this next month, reach out to a member of your family with whom you have fallen into a pattern of "unskillful" relations. Express your love and the desire to get back on course. Talk about your relationship as a garden that needs some attention. Consider how each of you can enrich the soil that will foster the growth you both want.
Water your garden regularly.
Mitakuye Oyasin,
Michael Finkelstein
SunRaven
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
The Next Installment:
