While the word "relationship" is typically defined as the fixed association between people, a more interesting discussion takes place when we view a "relationship" as a profound and advanced set of associations and consider the movement and fluidity this new identity reveals. Beneath the surface, relationships are like a complex and enchanting dance. And like a dance, they express deeply felt emotions, including love, courage, affection and joy, as well as sorrow and anger.

As we navigate through the many layers of our lives, so do our relationships.  We experience a multitude of beginnings and endings-some that are clearly defined, others that are not; some that see the end of an expired bond, others that do not-all the same, the true opportunity is in the ability to cultivate and develop our relationships, as it is they that offer the best mirror to determine our progress and assure our growth. 

Meaningful relationships occur on many levels. There are romantic relationships defined on the grounds of passion, commitment and intimacy. There are family relationships that establish roles, create identities and foster the early growth of individual members. There are workplace relationships between boss and employee and bonds forged at school between teacher and student. At other times, our relationships as members of a community resemble the highly coordinated movement of a flock of birds or school of fish: seemingly working and maneuvering as a single unit, gracefully changing direction in an instant.  Scientists understand the behavior of a flock of birds not to be the property of any individual bird, but rather the property of the group itself. There is no leader, no overall control; instead the flock's movements are determined by the moment-by-moment decisions of individual birds, following simple rules in response to interactions with their neighbors in the flock.

We can see that healthy relationships function much the same way.  People following fairly simple rules interact with each other to form a cohesive and dynamic whole.  At times, they may even appear to be straddling the line between stability and anarchy, much like a flock of birds or school of fish. Somehow, they work in the sense that they always provide the forces that will inevitably shape our lives. It is up to us then, to make good use of them. Among other things, cherishing those that provide the nurturing, even when it is complicated, is deserved.  Ultimately, this requires both recognition and acknowledgement. Even if someone is no longer present in our lives we can do this by simply honoring the past in our mind and heart. Over all, relationships  require work, focus, vigilance and patience, even in retrospect.  Otherwise, what existed of them will wither away.  Knowing this, it is important to recognize that there is always the potential for growth.  In this way, relationships may also be likened to a garden, which can be skillfully and lovingly restored or allowed to run wild, even after a storm has ravished it. Just as a gardener tends to his plot of land, planting seeds, tilling the soil, growing plants, and keeping it free of weeds, so we must tend to our relationships, nurturing those we value most, tending to those that need a little extra support, and even dispensing of those that no longer work.

Please share your thoughts...  

Question:  Although sometimes I still feel as young as I did at my college graduation, I'm admittedly not the spring chicken I used to be.  My mind is sharp, but I've come to accept some of the aches, pains and overall slower pace that comes with getting on in years.  Last year, I was injured at home, and while my physician was pleased with my recovery, some of my physical capabilities have never been quite the same as they were before. While I've maintained solid footing in my finances, feelings and faculties, my children have all expressed that they feel I need to entertain some level of assisted living.  I know they have my best interests at heart, but to be honest, this is not a reality I am ready to accept.  Have I turned into one of those stubborn old ladies who won't concede to accept the help she needs?

Answer:  First of all,congratulations on having such a loving, supportive family.  You must feel very fortunate to have a network of caring individuals looking after you, and don't think that you didn't have everything to do with that. I am also impressed with your ability to see yourself so clearly and ask such a difficult question.

But, let's step back and take a look at your life from another perspective.  Here, I'd like for you to identify 3 very important phases of your life.  The first is the innocent, growth oriented, and remarkably rapid learning (though often confusing and frustrating) era of childhood. The next is the chapter of child-rearing and work...birthing, raising and nurturing a small, inquisitive mind into a spellbinding force of independence and individuality and/or the pursuit of a career that supports the foundation of society itself.  The last, and perhaps the most poorly appreciated in our society, is the third phase of living where all the experience of the previous two manifest in wisdom and practicality, including the ability to accept what cannot be changed and finally learning to flow.

I'm sure you'll agree that, while there are different qualities of each of these cycles, there is something pleasant about each of them that cannot be achieved by the others.  Many years ago, the Native Americans gave special recognition to the members of their clans who were aging.  The oldest members of each society were revered for their experience and wisdom, and their physical needs were simply taken care of.  There was no complaint of over-exertion, and nothing about the care was unexpected or unacceptable.  When you speak about your children, this is what it reminds me of.  Much can be learned from these Native American aging rituals, and the same can be said for the suggestions of your family.

I'd like for you to exercise an action that I think will help you understand how deeply the implications of this suggestion points to the way you are valued.  Record a conversation with your children where you talk about your life.  Let then ask you fundamental questions that marked pivotal moments in your journey.  If they don't know what to ask, just talk.  Tell them what your dreams were when you were young, who your first love was, when you met their father and how you navigated through critical decisions and challenges that shaped your experiences.  Through the information you dispel, your children will have the opportunity to appreciate the richness of your life thus far, and you'll feel more confident in the achievement of that appreciation.

This heightened sense of consciousness will bring you all closer together and make the topic of helping you take care of your physical needs less of a doctrine and more of a collective decision.

Please submit your own question here.

• On May 7^th, author and documentary filmmaker Susan Polis Schutz will be joining me to discuss dealing skillfully with aging and mortality, and finding effervescence in life after 90.

Coming up, I will be recording a 2-part lecture series with The Learning Annex about detox and juicing.  Stay tuned for more information as dates of availability become available.  

The next SunRaven Book Club will take place on Thursday, May 5^th at 7:00pm.  The book to be discussed is The Alchemy of Abundance, by Rick Jarow, which is about liberation from fears of scarcity through harnessing the innate courage that brings forth authentic human expression to the world.  Rick will be making a personal appearance at the event and on hand for one on one and group discussions. Please join us. If you have any questions, send an email to: bookclub@sunraven.org.

• The next Group Juice Fast I will be hosting will begin on Monday, June 13^th at SunRaven. The 8 day program will conclude on, the first day of summer, Tuesday June 21^st.  If you have been thinking about undertaking a true "cleanse" or detox, a green juice fast along with a comprehensive protocol developed by one of the leading experts in the field can be an extremely valuable experience.  The SunRaven Juice Fast is unique in that it offers the support from a group of participants who share this interest and live in the same community, as well as my personal guidance and participation. If you have any questions, send an email to: juicefast@sunraven.org.

• On Saturday, June 18^th, I will be hosting the first "Summer Solstice Celebration at SunRaven," featuring sacred music, singing and dancing, with Sharada Wen and Friends.  To pre-register for the festivities on the bountiful SunRaven lawn or for more information, email michael@sunraven.org.  Advance tickets are $20 ($25 on the day of the event).

• Coinciding with the next Group Juice Fast, Warren Falcon and I will be leading an introductory workshop on the Power of Dreams and initiate the SunRaven Mid-Summer's Night Dream Group. The first meeting will take place on Friday June 17^th. For more information send an email to michael@sunraven.org.

FINALLY! A New Thought for the New Moon